Live for That Day

In my continuing 2013 quest for contentment, one thought seems to be becoming central, and it is this, "This is all temporal."

I think it when I see commercials where women talk about wanting to always be bikini ready, or try to sell me age defying make up, or the perfect lawn which everyone needs, or, and I still can't even believe I saw this, Tuscan style flavored dog food.

It would be so easy to see these things and think, "Yes, I need these too!" (except the Tuscan style dog food. I'm sorry, there's just no way) and then begin to shape my life around obtaining these things. I know the inevitable stress that follows, not only from the futility of obtaining what they're telling me I need, but also from the way that those pursuits crowd out other, probably more important, things.

But when I look at them and think, "This world, this life, is a blip on a line. It's temporal. It's fleeting. And in the end it SO won't matter if I had a beach ready body or looked 30 when I was 50, or if my lawn looked good. My dog certainly doesn't give a rip what she eats."

And when I start to dwell on that, I find contentment creeping in. I find I can look at something and think, "Yeah, that would be nice. But it's really ok if I don't get there, because in the grand scheme of things, it falls in the 'less than important' category."

So I'm trying to keep that thought in my mind. As our pastor said on Sunday, in his sermon about idols, "Don't live for this day, live for that day."

I Quit Pinterest

I quit Pinterest.

Seriously, I did.

I realized that after looking at Pinterest, I would have this vaguely uneasy, discontented feeling, like maybe my health, my house, my relationships, and certainly my parties, were all a little lacking. Sub-par. Less than awesome.

True, I've found some great recipes there. I'm currently looking at what is a highly satisfying DIY project of ceiling medallions adorning my dining room wall, thanks to a pin I saw (but FYI ceiling medallions are NOT inexpensive unless you can magically find them at a salvage yard or something). I have new ideas for exercising. I have been amused by some e-cards.

But what I've found, and I'm finding all over the internet actually, is that we all seem to be striving for just a little bit more, just a little bit better. And we don't just strive for it, we have to put it out there that we're striving for it. And sadly I think that generally produces one of two results, at least it does in me: either a zealous attempt to keep up with the Jones who appear to produce fabulous non-processed organic meals for their continually-improving-through-homemade-activity-children and going on meaningful dates with their spouses while maintaining rock hard abs, all in their chemically free, Pottery Barn inspired yet DIY decorated homes, OR, it makes us want to throw in the towel.

Me - I'm doing the latter. It's not that I don't want some of those things. I just want them not that much. Not so much that I make them my god. My idols. That's what I find happening in my heart when I sit and stare at page after page of what I could do, what I could be, what I could have. I am sure there are people out there for whom Pinterest is nothing more than a fun way to gather ideas and grow, and that's great. For me, I have to go back to my word of the year - content - and own that Pinterest is one of those things that stands in contradiction with it.

Moving toward contentment

Nearly two months into 2013, I have to ask myself how I am doing with my word of the year. If I had chosen the word "chocolate," I bet I would be doing my best to live up to it. It's probably a good thing I didn't, though, because then my word for the year in 2014 would have to be "detox" which doesn't look very pretty embroidered on a pillow.

No, my word is "content." I had to look up the definition of it because that's what nerdy word lovers like me do. It means, "in a state of peaceful happiness; satisfied with a certain level of achievement, good fortune, etc. and not wishing for more; to accept as adequate despite wanting more or better."

Many words jump to mind for me as synonyms for "content" after reading this definition and pondering it: satisfied, accepting, peaceful, patience, submission, enough. It's a lack of striving, of trying to make life a certain way. It's receiving with gratitude and a quiet heart. It's freedom from being in control. It's taking a deep breath and saying, "This is ok."

In other words, it's the antithesis of my mode of operation. I've already started to think that a lot of my emotional woes would be solved if I could just grasp this state of being content. I think I've spent most of these two months simply becoming more aware of where I am NOT content and why ("the first step is admitting you have a problem").

This basically involves three areas - content with who I am, what I have, and what I do. The dissonance between where I am and true contentment stems usually from idealistic images I have in my head about the way those things could look. I am seeing how much what I look at - television, magazines, the internet - feeds my discontent.

I would like to say that I am ruthlessly eliminating the things in my life that breed discontent. I can say that I am trying to make choices to turn my heart away from them. It's little things - choosing not to watch the red carpet for the Oscars because I know it will cause me to be discontent with my body and my current state of non-famousness. Or trying to spend less time on Pinterest because after I look there, I find that I feel unsettled and uneasy about the lack of awesome DIY projects that could make my house look like a magazine ad.

Beyond that, it's mostly a conversation with myself. The number of conversations I have with myself on any given day are legion (the by-product of being a high communicator AND an introvert) but these are an attempt to be a little more directive with my thoughts. Meaning I am trying to be conscious to stop when I am feeling discontent and ask myself things like, "When you look at your own body, will you choose to be content? Will you say yes to what God has given you?" or, "When you look at the mess of things undone, can you smile and say, 'It's ok'?" and maybe hardest of all, "Will you be content to let God choose His own way of working your life and not demand your own ways?"

So am I more content? I don't know about that. I would say I'm more and more convinced that it is the key for me to live well here right now. I'm not there yet, but I'm moving toward it.